Need a rapper? Pitbull is available for hire. You just need to have an uptempo mindless pop song, with a recognised singer attached, and give total ‘creative’ freedom to the rapper so he can write his own lyrics. For an example of the song type see Jennifer Lopez’s ‘On The Floor’. Pitbull is everywhere right now, but unlike past rappers who made music that continues to survive and carry somewhat of a meaning (see Tupac, Biggie), Pitbull is more interested in milking as much cash as he can as quickly as he can. It doesn’t phase him that he continues to defy all common sense by even landing a rapping gig for starters, or that by selling his musical soul does he guarantee that his career will bomb as soon as the next Rapper For Hire appears. So in honour of this inevitable outcome, I have put together my own rap, with the goal of one day becoming that next Rapper For Hire. The twist here is, and it’s a good one, I’ve used ACTUAL lyrics from Pitbull to create my first rap verse. Yep, you might be thinking I’m just ripping him off or infringing on his so-called intellectual property rights, but I prefer to think of it more as an homage, or in plain popular musical terms: ‘sampling’. Let me know what you all think, I’m very sure Sony Music is going to be all over this for J-Ho’s next hit, or even Britney’s next album -one can only live in hope. I’ve even came up with a catchy youthful title so that it captures the tween market, that’s my retirement right there.
“Badonka Donk”
Your man just left, I’m the plumber tonight
I’ll check yo pipes, oh, you the healthy type
Well, here goes some egg whites
Think about it
I hit the jackpot check, check, check, check, check, check , ching
Come DJ that’s my DJ, I’m a Miami boy…you know how we play
My family is from Cuba, but I’m an American Idol
Gettin’ money like Seacrest
Let’s party on the White House lawn, Tiger woods’ tired of Jesse James
Here goes Pitbull all night long, pick up Barack and Michelle and let’em know that’s it’s on
I’ve been to countries and cities I can’t pronounce
And the places on the globe I didn’t know existed
In Romania she pulled me to the side and told me Pit you can have me and my sister
In Lebanon yeah the women are bomb
And in Greece you’ve guessed it the women are sweet
‘Cause if you slip, I’m gonna fall on top of your girl
Yea right picture that with a Kodak
And better yet, go to Times Square
Take a picture of me with a Kodak
Get naked baby
I’m sorry chica
Better holla at Tyronne
Let him know how I jump through your foot loop scolla chica two can
We’re from blocka blocka o polaca
Where the boys loose like a wacka flaca
Ooh no man, its global was’up Colale flaca
I wanna be your giant no not your dada
And back it up like a Tonka truck
That badonka donk is like a trunk full of bass on an old school Chevy
I see you watching me, you see me watchin’ you
And everybody knows I get off the train
Baby it’s the truth
I’m like inception I play with your brain
So I don’t sleep I snoozzzzze.
Tags: britney, hire, jennifer lope, lopez, music, pitbull, rap, rapper for hire, rapping, sony, spears
