The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly -post MIFF

I saw some great films, some ok films, and some weird bat-crazy shit too. I didn’t do the whole ’60 films in 17 days’ thing because, well, I still have to work and I enjoy fresh air on the odd occasion. The Melbourne International Film Festival has come to an end for another year, so I thought it was time to reflect on the last two and a bit weeks of festival going experience.

GOOD

-Walking distance: One of the greatest advantages MIFF has is that every session is within easy walking distance of each other, with a decent number of cafe’s and take away joints along on the way.

-Filmmakers: I always enjoy listening to the filmmakers give an introduction, and this year there seemed to be quite a few around. Plus the director’s music choices on the DJ decks at the Forum was a really neat idea.

-Paperless tickets: Going green is the way of the future, so its great I don’t have to print my tickets and I can just scan my life (iPhone) at the door. But that does lead me to the first ‘Bad’ item…

BAD

-iPhone App: The app works ok until just as the que starts moving and then BAM! The app freezes, and you have to either restart your iPhone, delete and restore the app, or shake it until something happens (nothing actually happens, I tried) all before you reach that person holding the ticket scanner, it’s a race against time every time. Next year please design a more stable app, I think I installed the thing at least twenty times!

-The ‘haters’: Festival’s always seem to bring out the ‘haters’, those groups of people who can’t seem to find an ounce of good in anything. “Oh I hated the pacing”, “that character was the worst, I hated her”, “that red shoe on the background extra totally ruined the film for me, I hate it”, “the director’s choice of shots was totally not in line with the French New Wave style, I hated it, and I hate the French”, “the story arc was something straight from Robert McKee’s book, and I hate that book”… Film snobbery at its worst. I don’t understand why some people believe it’s more sophisticated, intelligent, or cool, to not like something. They look down on you because you really enjoyed the film, because obviously you just have no idea about cinema, you cinema-loving people disgust me…now let’s go see the next film that I can hate.

-Greater Union Cinema 6 front row: Talk about needing a chiropractor after having the luck of sitting here. I think several of my bones fused together and I walked out like the Hunchback of GU6, it’s not pretty, and it’s not a good way to enjoy a movie.

UGLY

-Dealing with a hangover: MIFF generally involves a couple of drinking sessions, I recommend you plan them out so you’re not stuck in a quiet and slow-moving documentary the next morning where your eyes are just a bulging red mass.

-Picnics: There are plenty of wide open spaces in Melbourne and some lovely parks, how about you take your picnic basket of food and eat it there instead of next to me in a dramatic intense film?! Do you really need to bring half of the Nando’s menu in with you?! No, you don’t. Eat before or eat after, it’s not a restaurant.

-Film projection at The Forum: In the year 2011 films generally come in two parts: the moving image and the sound. Please can you play both at the same time, in sync with each other. It makes the jungle members very restless. Thankyou.

MIFF isn’t just about seeing films, it’s about discussing the issues and themes in them, it’s about meeting up with friends or bumping into people you know, and it’s about seeing films that you wouldn’t normally see. My aim is always to see a variety, to cover the bases (Australia, the US, Europe, Asia), and to be inspired to create my own film journey. And this year, like last, I continued to do just that.

Tags: 2011, bad, festival, Film, film festival, good, melbourne, melbourne film, miff, miff11, miff2011, ugly

MIFF 2011 picks

Every year around this time the MIFF (Melbourne International Film Festival) bandwagon comes to town, hell it’s been coming every year for 60 years now (more than double the time I’ve been alive, for all those counting at home). I must admit in my earlier years I didn’t get to see much at the festival, but in the last few I’ve steadily increased my booked sessions with each festival and last year I saw 8 films, so this year to continue the trend I had to book more.  And to continue the other trend of blogging and sharing your film choices with anyone that will read it, I have listed my choices below.

Now, my idea is to get a balanced set of films to view, with a little bit of everything. That doesn’t always go to plan because hey, I still have a job and a life during the festival (although for the next two weeks the life part is severely limited to a dark cinema and drinking copious amounts of coffee and/or alcohol).

The list below is in order of what I’ll be seeing and why. Also, its worth noting that at this time I am now taking coffee donations so if you see me slumped over a cinema seat, you know what to do.

Pool Party (USA)

A doco about an abandoned public pool that is converted into a music venue featuring artists such as the Beastie Boys and the Black Lips. A pretty cool idea, and I think a great fun way to start the festival.

El Velador (Mexico/USA)

Since 2007 nearly 35,000 people have been killed in Mexico’s drug war (which is insane), this is a story that is visually told and apparently has very little dialogue, following one of the narco-cemetery’s night-watchman as he makes his rounds over one night. I love anything Mexican, so I’m in. I’ll trade my coffee for a bottle of Sol for this screening.

Submarine (UK)

I knew this film would make MIFF (rather, I hoped), and it was at the top of my must-see list.  It’s described as an offbeat coming-of-age comedy film and there’s been a lot of buzz surrounding this film for quite a while now. Can’t wait for this!

The Innkeepers (USA)

This session at 11pm is really going to test me, but is probably the right time for an old-school style of horror film that MIFF describes as ‘Clerks’ meets ‘The Shining’.  The film is about two hotel staff that decide to investigate the rumours that their workplace may be haunted. Of course, being a horror film my bets are that the place actually is. Who needs sleep anyway right?

Norwegian Wood (Japan)

This film was included in MIFF’s early teaser called ‘First Glance’, and I was keen from the get go. Director Tran Anh Hung, a Vietnamese man who moved to France when he was young, and has won prizes at Cannes and been nominated for an Oscar in his career, has created a dark and haunting film about love and loss set in 1960′s Japan. Another one near the top of my must-see list.

Life In A Day (USA)

It says USA but really should read global, a film that is produced using uploaded YouTube clips from people all around the world that captured something they did on the 24th of July 2010. A great concept, and just watching the trailer gives you an idea of the scope and variety of work that was submitted. It looks not only incredibly interesting, but also really moving too.

Cold Fish (Japan)

Director Sion Sono has two feature films playing at MIFF, this is one of them, and is described as an unrelenting gore-drenched pitch-black comedy. That description alone got me buying the ticket, my crazy pick for the festival.

Accelerator Shorts 1 (Australia/New Zealand)

You can’t attend a film festival without including a short film session. The variety and quality of short films is amazing, and this year I’m sure it’ll be no different to the great choices of last year. Filmmakers who have films playing in the Accelerator sessions are all guests of the festival and go through a special program while attending. I can’t make the second session but I’m really looking forward to seeing some Aussie talent on display here.

She Monkeys (Sweden)

The winner of this year’s Tribeca Film Festival award for Best Film, She Monkeys is the debut feature from Lisa Aschan and is described as a ‘nuanced and provocative study of young female desire’. Tribeca usually has good taste so I’m keen to check this one out.

Wendall Thomas Talks Scripts Series – Making A Scene: The Magic & Mechanics of Scene Structure

As someone who loves to write, and one day hopes to have a few films under my belt, this is a must. Unfortunately due to work I can’t attend the whole series but I think a session about scene structure is probably what I need most right now, so I have my notepad ready.

X (Australia)

The other film at the top of my must-see list is X, Jon Hewitt’s new one, and he is one filmmaker I really like. I can’t wait for this, it’s first Australian screening. A gritty dark film that is described as explicit, raw, and relentless. Hanna Mangan-Lawrence (in her most mature role yet) plays a callgirl who finds herself and another callgirl in the wrong room at the wrong time, and this one night suddenly takes a deadly turn. Bring it on.

Attenberg (Greece)

It’s not all negative economy talk in the Olympic homeland, and this film (named after a reference to  Sir David Attenborough),  is said to be an absurd offbeat exploration of sex and death. And who can argue with that?

Another Earth (USA)

I love the story of this film production, the 12 crew go away to shoot at some country town in the states where they had no mobile reception for 15 days and their associate producer cooked breakfast every morning for the cast and crew -that is indie filmmaking at its best, and it’s these stories I find really inspiring for my own ideas. Featuring at Sundance Film Festival this year, the film is about the discovery of ‘another Earth’ orbiting our own that appears to be an exact mirror image of everything and everyone here. At the same time, astrophysics student Rhonda drives into an oncoming vehicle killing the family inside. After she’s released from prison, she seeks out the surviving father, determined to find some sort of penance, and maybe use this new world above her as a way to escape her past. I love the idea of ‘what if there is an exact replica of you’ in the universe and what that would change. It’s the perfect film to finish my MIFF 2011 on.

What are your choices? Are you going? Check out the program at www.miff.com.au

Rapper For Hire

Need a rapper? Pitbull is available for hire. You just need to have an uptempo mindless pop song, with a recognised singer attached, and give total ‘creative’ freedom to the rapper so he can write his own lyrics. For an example of the song type see Jennifer Lopez’s ‘On The Floor’. Pitbull is everywhere right now, but unlike past rappers who made music that continues to survive and carry somewhat of a meaning (see Tupac, Biggie), Pitbull is more interested in milking as much cash as he can as quickly as he can. It doesn’t phase him that he continues to defy all common sense by even landing a rapping gig for starters, or that by selling his musical soul does he guarantee that his career will bomb as soon as the next Rapper For Hire appears. So in honour of this inevitable outcome, I have put together my own rap, with the goal of one day becoming that next Rapper For Hire. The twist here is, and it’s a good one, I’ve used ACTUAL lyrics from Pitbull to create my first rap verse. Yep, you might be thinking I’m just ripping him off or infringing on his so-called intellectual property rights, but I prefer to think of it more as an homage, or in plain popular musical terms: ‘sampling’. Let me know what you all think, I’m very sure Sony Music is going to be all over this for J-Ho’s next hit, or even Britney’s next album -one can only live in hope. I’ve even came up with a catchy youthful title so that it captures the tween market, that’s my retirement right there.

“Badonka Donk”

Your man just left, I’m the plumber tonight

I’ll check yo pipes, oh, you the healthy type

Well, here goes some egg whites

Think about it

I hit the jackpot check, check, check, check, check, check , ching

Come DJ that’s my DJ, I’m a Miami boy…you know how we play

My family is from Cuba, but I’m an American Idol

Gettin’ money like Seacrest

Let’s party on the White House lawn, Tiger woods’ tired of Jesse James

Here goes Pitbull all night long, pick up Barack and Michelle and let’em know that’s it’s on

I’ve been to countries and cities I can’t pronounce

And the places on the globe I didn’t know existed

In Romania she pulled me to the side and told me Pit you can have me and my sister

In Lebanon yeah the women are bomb

And in Greece you’ve guessed it the women are sweet

‘Cause if you slip, I’m gonna fall on top of your girl

Yea right picture that with a Kodak

And better yet, go to Times Square

Take a picture of me with a Kodak

Get naked baby

I’m sorry chica

Better holla at Tyronne

Let him know how I jump through your foot loop scolla chica two can

We’re from blocka blocka o polaca

Where the boys loose like a wacka flaca

Ooh no man, its global was’up Colale flaca

I wanna be your giant no not your dada

And back it up like a Tonka truck

That badonka donk is like a trunk full of bass on an old school Chevy

I see you watching me, you see me watchin’ you

And everybody knows I get off the train

Baby it’s the truth

I’m like inception I play with your brain

So I don’t sleep I snoozzzzze.

Tags: britney, hire, jennifer lope, lopez, music, pitbull, rap, rapper for hire, rapping, sony, spears

Pug, it’s over

Dear Pug (Peugeot 206 GTI),

I must admit it was love at first sight when I saw you from across the car yard. You had a pretty blue glow, and a sunroof that said “take me to the beach”. I had visions of us cruising endless highways along the coast, wind sweeping through my hair, a pretty girl next to me, the dog (wait, make that a puppy) in the back, heading towards summer bliss. You performed so well on that day that I knew we had to be together, if only I had known that you were just a collection of broken promises (parts). I wanted those dreams of our future to be real, I took you home as fast as I could. It was only a few days after we became official that we had our first fight, you threw a hissy fit and I had to tow you back to the yard. I forgave you, I mean, it was our first and I wasn’t about to end it so quickly. I gave so much to you Pug, but you never gave anything in return. You constantly broke down, and just took and took. Relationships are about give and take, and you baby were all take. I fixed every one of your problems, and I remained positive as they mounted up, even when your sunroof stopped working crushing my dream of endless sunshine. Everyone told me to break up with you, my family, my friends, my boss, I kept thinking that after each problem that it would be the last, but you kept going at me, like a stubborn little  brat. I compare you to like meeting a beautiful girl at a bar, she seduces with her gorgeous looks, only to go home and find out she is a total bitch. That’s right Pug, your personality stinks, your constant warning signs, power fluctuations, your lack of consistency, I don’t know why you made it so hard for us, and why I stayed with you for so long.

So now, this 2 year relationship (ordeal) has come to its inevitable end. I’ve found someone else, it’s true. As I took my last drive with you, I asked why you had done this, why you shattered my dreams and hopes and why you found it so hard to make it work (or just work, period). Your only answer was your engine warning light, and that was enough to prove that I had finally made the right choice. We could have been something, you and I Pug, I hope you enjoy your time as scrap metal.

Love,

Rob.

Tags: 206, breakup, cruze, gti, holden, love note, peugeot

St Drunk’s Day

Another St Patrick’s day has passed, and I’m glad that I wasn’t a part of it. I’m not a hater of having a special day to totally annihilate yourself on alcohol (especially midweek), obviously as I write a blog called Hungover, annihilating myself is a skill of mine, but I usually tend to stick to my birthday for that. But I do have an issue with St ‘Patty’s’ day, especially how it’s celebrated here in Australia. Saint Patrick’s Day originated as a religious holiday in Ireland, where after lent the restrictions on what you ate and drank were lifted. Now, it’s become a celebration of Irish culture worldwide. I’m fine with that, I like cultural celebrations, last night I celebrated my favourite cultural pastime by going and watching a film and telling my friend not to talk to me for one and a half hours. I had totally forgotten it was St Patty’s day last night until my friend told me he had seen a girl vomiting into an emptied popcorn box, and I turned the corner and there straight in front of me is a line up out the front of an Irish pub. I could stop with the girl vomiting at 8pm as that basically sums it up for me, but there are five main reasons why I can’t stand St Patty’s day that I feel the need to share with you.

Not our day: Australian’s are great at propagating things from other cultures, we’ve basically done that with everything good from New Zealand, and like when two ‘mates’ help each other out we call that uniquely Australian -it isn’t. So we’ve taken to St Patty’s day and embraced it whole heartily because it fulfils two of Australia’s treasures: 1, beer, and 2, lots of beer. According to the 2006 census,  50,256 people in Australia were born in Ireland, and there were about 12 million people in the Irish pubs yesterday, I’m no maths brain but I’d say the percentage of those who were actually Irish would be fairly low (*the 12 million is purely an estimate). And don’t give me the whole my ‘great great grandmother’s auntie’s best friend was Irish so that’s how I’m Irish’, that’s like to say I’m African because my primordial ancestors migrated from there…!

-Green hats: They look ridiculous. That is all.

-Bogans: Whenever something becomes popular, e.g a music festival, the bogan swarm attacks on mass. Like locusts, they move in, destroy what was once there, and then move on to the next crop. St Patty’s day is a bogan excuse for doing what it likes to do best: getting drunk, getting more drunk, getting rowdy, punching on, getting kicked out, then vomiting.

-Irish pubs: They are everywhere, all around the world, and I don’t understand the appeal. They are usually dark and damp, smell like piss, filled with old dudes who haven’t been able to see their feet in decades, and have a number of crappy old beers on tap.

-Guinness: This might cause some controversy but Guinness is…wait for it… crap. It’s like drinking dark, thick, bitter soup that causes your stomach to bloat and your ass to expel it. Its like if you ordered a really shit dessert, liquefied it, and then attempted to drink it. And your other choice, for the St Patty’s enthusiast is… Victoria Bitter, obviously Irish. It does have green in the logo though, does that count?

So I’ll stay on the outside when it comes to St Patty’s day, nothing against the Irish, but I’d rather not spend my day expelling crap beer that has added an extra 5kg’s to my body weight, dodging through crowds of smelly dudes in green singlet tops and trying not to look them in the eye in case they swing a punch, and then getting to the toilet and realising nobody has used the urinal. Call me soft, call me boring, call me a prude, tell me to lighten up, but I still won’t be taking part. The problem is, both St Patty’s and Australia Day are already ruined, what have we got left? Queens Birthday? Get me a scon and a pint of beer, pronto.

Tags: australian, beer, bogan, drinking, ireland, irish, pubs, st patricks, st pattys